Exhaustion. Tension. Congestion. Fogginess. Inflammation. Itch. Heat. Heaviness.
This the silence in my body that screams.
This is the trauma I carry in my cells and consciousness.
It’s all that I carry with me through my physical being.
It’s trauma from the past carried into the present.
It’s all that we’re inflicting on our present that bleeds into the future.
It’s the false starts on healing.
It’s the “should” have done better and “should” be better.
It’s the fury of the moment where all my tools just get thrown at the wall in anguish.
It’s the exhale as I retreat for self preservation.
It’s the building migraine traveling up the nape of my neck and reverberating in my skull.
It’s the unwelcome briny tears stinging on dry skin.
It’s the fatigue of attempting love without self-compassion.
How can I find ease in the present moment?
What is it to release the sorrow of our current situation?
It’s the empathy that is vivid and then poofs away like the mythical Easter bunny at the needed time.
It’s a yearning for the way we were.
But home as I remember no longer exists in space and time.